Here’s To The Daily Blog

Hello!  I will just go straight to the point here.  I have decided to do daily blog from now on.  It is a big commitment for me.  I do not know whether I can do it, but I will do it.   2018 is going to be a year for me to start doing things.  You see, I have this blog for quite a few years now and I posted entries on and off.  And I thought, I should not do this anymore.  When I first started, my attention was to share my thoughts and experiences to the world.  Things that mean a lot to me.  I am not sure if I am offering valuable insights to the world.  All the blog posts that posted do offer me better insights especially on myself and I learn to be a better person.  I learn to express myself better.  I also learn to share things on the things I’ve always believed in.  My adventure stories…I love the stories.  If i hadn’t start blog, I would not know how beautiful they are.  I would only have pictures to tell the story.

So, why do it daily?  I thought, if I really need to learn to express and to offer more, I should make it an effort.  In fact great effort.  It will not be easy; juggling between works and other things I am doing.  But, I should do this.  I had been thinking about this, and I think it is time.  I do not have the strongest English in the world, I made mistakes here and there, but I should take the opportunity to be brave and learn.

So, for this daily blog, it will be in the form of stories like the posts in this blog or it will be in the form of photographs and some stories or captions (as you can also see in this blog) or in the form of reflections.

My hope for you is that you will like it.

 

 

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Why … Oh … Why?

Sometimes frustration can lead us to do things we should not do or to say things we should not say. Whether it is done intentionally or unintentionally, the result always leads to hurts and pain of another person and distrusts towards us. The aftermath of it normally leaves us with regrets, if our conscious is right. Just few days ago, I might have offended someone. What it seemed to be a joke, I might had gone too far. I tried to comfort myself that I didn’t do any harm or offended that person; the problem was that person. He could not take a joke. I was being rational, my intention was to have fun. But I have to admit, I was a little annoyed with his joke, so I shot the joke back at him. It seemed fair. However, whether or not he could take the joke, damage has been done. Now, it is no longer ‘he just take things too seriously’ or ‘he could not take the joke?’ I started to realise, I could’ve just shut my freaking mouth and smile!

I apologised. I did! Because my conscious said I must. To some, it might seemed unnecessary, because ‘The problem is not you, it is him… why do you need apologise?’ It was my duty, it was something I needed to do, I could not go against my conscious. That should’ve give me a peace of mind. It did, but not for long. It bugged me. It kept bugging me because I don’t know whether he accepted my apology. He didn’t even want to talk to me.

Hatred and Revenge

The worst thing that could have ever happened to someone is probably losing one’s dignity.  The worst thing that someone could have done is probably crushing somebody’s dignity.  It was bad enough for her to be handcuffed, it was bad enough for her not to be able to see his little boy, it was bad enough for her to listen to the accusation against her everyday.  She could not really decide what was the worst thing for her; to be rejected or to listen to the piercing harassment against her.  She could not lift up her face to see the people who were once her family, now an enemy.  What has hatred and revenge ever accomplished? Will it ever satisfy your souls?

The Story Of My Pride

Do you know what I fear? I am afraid of my pride.  It comes in many forms.  It comes from being religious, being spiritual, being humble, being knowledgeable, being better than anyone else and etc.  I fear that being active in the church would make me a hypocrite.  I’ve seen some people who are like that.  I even saw it in one of my relatives – such a pompous devoted religious man.  So, he acted as a very religious and spiritual man, like he knows everything, all doctrines, the bible and Jesus and all.  His approaches on us seem to tell us otherwise, for we felt the superiority in him.  Maybe I am just very judging.  I don’t know.  But truth be told, I think I am no better.  I’ve always believe that if I could say these things about him, I am pointing fingers to myself.  You know what they say, it runs in the family.  But, I hope that it doesn’t runs in me.

I am quite active in the church; joining classes, retreats, talks, joining some church movements and so forth.  I learned many things, I enjoyed them but there is a risk of being too proud it.  I am very self-conscious, I know that.  My whole faith and my life would be blinded by pride.  I fear that once I allow my cleverness takes over, my heart would be harden, the less I feel for human compassion.  I am very afraid of my pride and I have to admit, I am full of it.  Yes, I am aware of that or I would like to believe I am full of it.  Modesty forbids, but when I sense pride, I prayed it would be taken away.  Ironically, that also could be a pride.

Oh yes! I am struggling.  Not sure if I am fighting myself or for something else.  I should like to struggle in trying my best to fight for something noble.  I want to stand for principles, I think I am lacking it.  Though I learned many things, but I don’t have a lot of wisdom.  I am at the opinion that if wisdom makes you think other people are stupid then you have no wisdom in you.  False wisdom I should say.  Pride easily makes you fall in that trap.  That I know.  And I fall in that trap many times and thus I made a fool of myself many times.

However, just like my relative, I am a religious person but not really a spiritual person.  I fail to love every day.  I have to stay religious you know, because without God, I don’t know what I should live for.  That could also makes me proud you know…to know that I believe in God, that I am a Christian.  It is really a complicated feeling.  So I pray for humbleness.  But then, that itself could also be pride if I am not careful.  Shut myself in.  Always think that I am not good enough, just being humble, like no one is more humble than me.

I could go on and on and this whole thing could be my pride.  I am sure of it and of course I pray it would be taken away.  I wish to it to be taken away for I just want to be human.  After all, rising and falling and trying are all part of being human.

I Love Stories

I am always in the quest for stories.  That is what I do actually, everyday.  I make a living meeting people, talking to them, asking them questions and construct their stories.  I love stories and love writing them.  Though not all stories gave me pleasure, in fact most of them gave me a lot of pressure.

But I love stories; especially stories of ordinary people because every one of them has a lesson for others to learn.  The lives of people who could make people stop and ponder, reflect, remember, and are inspired.  I do not write just for the sake of writing, though sometimes I do that, because it is my job to write.  Sometimes I got frustrated with the job I have now, but continue to go on; motivated by the possibility of finding great stories.

I write not because I hunt for stories, I write because it makes me grow as person.  I learn as I write and I write as I learn.  I need to feel and touch the reality from the deepest of my life through the stories I heard.  Then as I empty my cup, I construct that story front the tip of my pen.  As one writer said (forgot which writer) in every story you read, there must be a writer’s DNA registered in it.

People who know me will know that I love books very much.  I read various kinds of genres.  I do not read romance often, but my favourite genres are historical fiction and autobiography.  The more I read those stories, the more I became passionate about the heroes, and the more I wanted to meet them in real life.  Therefore, I wanted to write about them.

Growing up, I neither was the one shine in class nor was I selected to compete in essay writing.  However, my love for books started when I was in primary school.  I love books very much that I became a librarian but I did not pick up the habit of reading until I was 14 years old.  I finally picked up reading because I found out that I was terrible in English.  How bad?  Either I flunked or the highest I could get was ‘C’.  That is how bad I was, but as soon as pick up reading, I made a commitment to read every day.  My comprehension was so bad at first that I needed to read few times for a page to understand.  Then I started to read aloud and listen to English speakers especially those in the movies.  I picked up and tried to mimic until it stuck with me.  Some people said I have a spoken English of a native (though I doubt that sometimes).

I remember I entered a confessional room one day and as I started to confess my sins, the priest opened that little door and asked where I came from.  That caught me by surprise.

There was one person who believed that I could write and that is my former headmistress.  She was the first person to do that. She told me one day that I could pick up my pen and write.  I was down one day because I could not get into science class in Form 4.  Those times, people had a perspective that science class are for good students and Arts are for those who do not do well in studies.  However, my former headmistress told me that being in Arts class means wider field.  She told me that God put me in Arts class because He has a plan for me.  Therefore, she asked me to pick up my pen and write.  I did not do that until about 10 years later; I pick up my pen and write.

 

 

 

 

Torn In Two

I am torn in two,

Because of you, I am torn in two,

You came into my life, can I pretend I don’t care?

Your brokenness is more than my heart can bear,

You don’t care, you don’t care, that’s what I felt,

I wonder if you really want any help,

Oh! help me, because it hurts,

Patience tested, it hit my head on the dirt.

Unless you want your past to mend,

This darkness will not end,

Unless it became a battle to fight,

You’ll never see the light,