Should I?

Looking at the text messages, I tried to calm myself down.  I knew it was coming, I knew it was going to happen, I knew it and I was expecting it.  So, why am I feeling so angry?  Why am I taking it as if it was really a shocking thing to see?  No, it wasn’t a shocking thing, I even resolved that I would not care so much about it.  I would take it as it is and just be okay with it.  Turned out it was not that easy.

I felt my fist was going tighter, my heart was pounding fast, filled with all the frustration and anger and my mind was trying to make the right decision.  Would I follow my feeling? Or would I follow my conscience?  Should I do it? Should I complain?  Or I just leave it?  My breath was heavy, I was about to scold someone, I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream. While was boiling inside, mum was calling me.  What is it? I don’t feel like doing it.  She didn’t know what was going on in my head, so I would just do what she told me.  My feeling was not her fault anyways.

I’ve made a decision to never fight against the selfishness of others.  Surely he would not care about me.  It took everything inside me to let go.  I prayed to God to help me.  Finally, a decision came; I would just obey his instruction.  Why make others unhappy just because I am angry?

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The World Is A Love Story

The world is a love story,

All things came to existence because love came,

Not complicated nor an unresolved mystery,

There is the lover, the beloved and the love they shared.

Love is where two souls meet,

The world stopped with a spark leading to nervousness and wonder,

Two people take on the centre stage, dancing on their feet,

The first day for the rest of their lives to be remembered.

And so it begins; the start of the three-act play,

Men to be heroes, women their strength,

No more me or I, but we on each passing day,

Walking together on the road unknown ahead.

Indeed, the heart will be tested along the way,

Lost as soon as the storm came out in the dark night,

Will two souls hang on to be committed and obey?

To make sure no love run dry.

One thing is for certain,

One could never go wrong with a total gift of self,

Both dying to themselves for the other person,

A value that seems lost in this generation.

Yes, there is indeed a love so strong,

Love that surpasses every description that world gives,

That always succumbs to its limitation and are lost,

A love that promised a sure victory.

It is always a love story in every written script,

Why throw it away? let it journey on,

Let love blooms and grow,

Yours are part of the greatest story ever lived.

Woman In An Abandoned House

Madam Tiong wore a bedraggled cloth living at a dilapidated house, not far from the town.  It was used to be a home.  That was more than 10 years ago.  People said Madam Tiong was mentally-challenged, others who knew her said she had always been like this.  The house, which she lived was abandoned.  There was nothing but a mattress, few dirty clothes, few pails, some cooking utensils, a fire place for cooking, if she cooked.  She did not live alone; she had a companion.  A white dog, without any given name.  Cute and tiny female dog.  She did very well in protecting her owner though.  She barked at strangers, but she knew the bad from good.  She belonged inside the house.

There was not much in the house.  The door was not locked and it was never locked.  The door was made of a rusty zinc roof.  The stairs were so steep that it could actually be a ladder than a staircase.  The way to the house was to climb up; same thing to go down.  Wooden floor could have seen better days.  Somebody must had steal those woods because some parts of the floor were missing.

Upon entering the house, on the right what used to be a kitchen and a dining room, now filled with all kinds of junks.  Rusty and broken pots, a stove somewhere, plastics, poops.  Part of the walls were already gone.  Up there was a leaking roof.  There was a toilet bowl just in front of the entrance door.  Squatting one.  Not the kind of the bowl with water and flush in it.  This bowl has a hole that looked straight the grass below.  It was not front door after all, it was a bathroom.  The floor looked like it was about to collapse anytime.  There were pictures of her ancestors towards the end of the house.  Could hardly believe the empty space was a living room before.  Inside her bedroom, there were some instant noodles, can food, biscuits, eggs, rice and many other things.  All donated.  There on her bedroom wall, just behind the door was her wedding picture.

Oh yes, she was a married woman.  Her husband got sick a year ago and died.  The house was in fact her husband’s.  Her husband used to work odd jobs and was a lazy man.  The neighbours knew the couple very well and nobody liked them.  They used to steal chicken and vegetables from the neighbours.  Now that the husband had died, they looked on her with pity.  Every day, they allowed her to help harvest their vegetables; in return, she received free meals.  It was a good bargain for her.

Madam Tiong was rather a mysterious woman.  Long time ago, she was a wealthy woman, as people said.  They said she was married twice and had two children of her own.  One she gave up for adoption and one she threw him at the river.  The baby drowned.  Nobody knew why she did that, and the family rejected her ever since.  Nobody knew the authenticity of the story, but people could say anything and believe anything these days.

Madam Tiong lived without water and electricity supply, but she loved to stay there nevertheless.  She did not mind taking her bath at the drain and the body smelled as if she needed a bath real bad.  No, she did not want to go to homes.  She was scared of being bullied.  She said she was being bullied before and she did not want that to happen anymore….

How Do You Face A Friend

How could you face a friend?
That despite the childhood that we spent,
The memories that we shared,
We are strangers today.

How is it possible for us to meet each other in the eye?
Only what comes between us is shy.
There was no smile.
Is it a way that we wave our friendship goodbye?

How can I face you my friend?
When the last thing I want to do is judge,
But stand for what is just,
I guess the hardest thing to do right now is trust.

Handcuffed?
Camera?
Many pictures I took,
Those of the accused,
But of the one that is you,
No, that I could not do.

Hiding,
Avoiding,
That is what we do,
For it is better than pretending not to look.
For how do you face a friend?
Whose life had become a mess,
All that left was the hope to mend,
But, how could I be so judging?
Many friends you had lost,
You might be miserable,
You might be stressed,
You might be trying,
You might be crying,
For you, I’ll be praying.

Choosing To Forgive

I guess one of the hardest decisions that a human being could make was to choose to forgive.  Especially those hurts that went too deep, that somehow it went ‘hiding’ deep in your heart.  Because rational came in, and you thought you had forgiven them all along.  Chances are 99.9 per cent you might have not forgiven them.

I had been hurt…once, for many years and I knew it.  It was someone that was very close to me; someone in the family.  I thought I had forgiven her, and the truth was, I had not.  I didn’t even know whether it was even a decision for me to make.  Because it wasn’t me that she was hurting.  It was my family and that in effect, hurting me too.  I just wanted to keep a distance from her.  I was happy when she was not around, miserable when staying with us.  I grew up having no relationship with her, yet she was so close to my heart that it pained me because both of us could not have a right relationship with each other.

She revealed my own brokenness, my own selfishness, my heart of stone.  My own self that I didn’t even know it existed.  She called and called and called I simply ignored her.  I held back all the generosity I had in my heart because I was afraid she might take advantage of me (Not physically, but mentally). Emotionally I was already hurt.  Every time I did that, every time ignored her like that, I hated myself.  I hated her. That went on since I was matured enough to see what really happening in my family.  I stayed like this for many years.

Until finally I looked into my own brokenness – thanks to the grace of God.  You see, forgiveness is a decision, not a feeling (though most of the time it would be accompanied with  feeling). It wasn’t a proud moment.  It wasn’t the hallelujah, Praise the Lord kind of moment (though later, it is).  No! The pain became more real.  Immediately, my heart was flooded with so much pain and suddenly, I wasn’t in control of my emotion.  As tears running down and as I fought it hard, I found myself pleaded for forgiveness.

What an interest twist.

What came after that is the result of forgiven someone and being forgiven myself – a lifted burden.  It felt like I am free for the first time.

Oh Kites…

I’ve always wonder why the sky? Sky? What are you chasing? Every evening I walk Trojan, and every day I heard them say ‘There it is..there…there…come on let’s go.’ And off they went. Sometimes I saw a man, probably in his 50s, with two children on his motorcycle, doing the same thing. It was funny because I didn’t see anything at all. All I saw was birds and sometimes, dark clouds as if the storm was coming.

Then on one fine evening… I looked closely…And there I saw it…KITES!!! They were looking at the kites all along. And not just any kites…they were chasing for the falling kites. Oh…Oh, the simplicity of life.