The Thing About Life

The thing about life is this… it is so mysterious and so beautiful that you need to be alive to experience it and see it.  It is not like living in a dream, but more than that.  It is with the sense of transcendence.  Funny, because my life right now is all about frustration.  Sometimes I do feel stupid, like this morning for example.  I realised, I am so stupid that I feel so stupid (Does that make sense?).  Sometimes, I wonder, why wasn’t I born with such intelligence and wisdom.  Okay, I know that not everybody has wisdom; some have knowledge but no widsom.  I hope that is not me.  Well, mine is worse, I don’t have a lot of knowledge and lacking in wisdom.

Like right now, I am should go to sleep now.  It’s late and tomorrow I need to go to work but I am still writing this blog, because inspiration just came through.  Or rather, I just need to express myself, after a long of absence.  Where have I been, no where, I am just here, trying to make a difference for myself and hopefully for others as well.  But, I am just a nobody, so, some people doesn’t take me seriously.

Yet, with all these troubles and frustrations, I strive to feel alive in my everyday living.  Living a life that is fully alive is indeed a glory to God.  It is indeed allowing God to bless our lives.  I don’t have to always know or understand what life is about.  I won’t understand all of it.  But, that does not stop me from striving to understand more about life.  I mean without it, will life has meaning.  Of course it will!  But, it can make a huge difference because I am finding who I am.  Then, I would dare to step into the unknown and who knows, discover something about myself that I didn’t know it existed.  How wonderful it would be.

Oh life… the reality is bitter, but the fruits are sweet.  How magnificent.

 

(PS: Just speaking on top of my head…)

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NY Celebration

Okay, before I proceed, just to let you know, I accidentally deleted the things I wrote here. I didn’t know how it happened, but it happened very fast. So, I had to retype it. It was not a good day for me, particularly tonight. You will know it later.

So, today marks the 15th day of Chinese New Year, also a final day of New Year. 15 days gone, just like that. People got off work early today, just for the celebration; good food, firecrackers, fireworks, and maybe listening to Chinese New Year song for the last time this year. For me, I posted the video of pupils dancing to ‘Everyday is a good day’ song on Instagram.

Tua Pek Kong temple was once again filled with worshippers causing traffic congestion. It wasn’t their fault though, they had to fulfil their duties; give thanks for the things that happened for the past 15 days and to ask for blessings throughout this year.

I planned to celebrate it with my family tonight, but it didn’t go as planned because I had a dinner at a restaurant tonight. I wasn’t looking forward to go, not because I wished to be with my family at home and celebrate with them, but because I was fighting flu. I wasn’t feeling so well.

Nevertheless, I had to go there with an open heart and positivity. I went there with such great spirit, but met with disappointment. You see, there were three of us in the initial plan. Three of us agreed to attend because nobody else wanted to attend. None of them showed up. I was disappointed because I felt like I’ve been left alone. Now, I was trying to be a baby or to give in to self pity, but I wasn’t particularly comfortable sitting at a table full of strangers. I wasn’t good in meeting new people.

So, I need my teammates with me! I just could not enjoy my meals and yes, I left after the second dish because I felt stupid and because I was feeling very tired and quite sick. I think, if one of them was there, I would feel better. But yes, I was quite sick, so I decided to go home and it was already 9pm! We had just finished our second dish!

I left with disappointment but at the same time relieve that I had left. I could breathe the air again! I went for a slice of pizza and went home. There went the last day of CNY celebration. Slowly my disappointment slipped away and I listened to ‘Everyday Is A Good Day’ many times. I tried to sing along too. It didn’t matter what happened tonight, I am still living.

Gone Chances

I meant to write this three years ago.  My grandmother passed away that year, how I regretted many things.

I thought there were plenty of times for everything. Plenty of times to make out the time we had lost due to differences, misunderstanding, pain, anger, and lies. Plenty of time to get to know and to understand her – maybe her pain as well. I thought I had plenty of time to make new memories with her too – forgetting all brokenness due to anger and lies. I did not know that it could happen so soon. In fact, too soon.

Three years ago in August, grandma came home to stay with us for good.  She had been sick; pale, weak and very thin.  I didn’t expect her to see her at this state.  I wasn’t too happy about her coming back, but I knew it was about time to make out for the lost time.  Just seven months ago, I made that decision to forgive her. It wasn’t the hardest decision I made, but it was the most painful one. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life hating her, I wanted to love her, because she deserved to be loved, just as I deserved to be loved.

My grandmother and I shared the same name.  Elizabeth.  That was her baptism name, and my confirmation name.  Other than that, we shared nothing in common.  From what I know little about grandmother, she lived a hard life, and most of the time a painful one. I didn’t know when was the time she was really happy, probably she never did.  Her past was the reason of her brokenness, her brokenness was the reason of my anger.  She was never the grandmother I wish to have.  I wanted a loving grandmother, not a broken one.  I thought she had never loved us.

But, grandmother, she wanted everyone to be happy but I did not know whether she wanted happiness herself.  Dad made effort to give the happiness she deserved.  I tried, but failed.  Barely two months since she moved in with us, she passed away and we were left in disbelief. I thought maybe we could have another few years. After all, she was a strong person.  Dad had a great dream for her.  To move in our new house that Dad built himself; from his own money.  That did not came true.  And grandmother knew it all along, and it was the first time, I believed she was proud of us.

In her passing, I realised she did love us.  I was too blind to see and to understand it.

My Adventure

All of us have different likes, different opinions, different ways of doing things.  For example ‘you like sushi, I love hamburgers’, or ‘you like to travel, I like to stay at home’, ‘you like football, I like tennis’.  But I think we found a common ground on one thing.  ‘We want a life of an adventure’.  Everyone wants to have a thrill of adventure in their lives.

Then, you ask yourself.  Do I have it?  Is my life exciting.

A lot of people thought that being a reporter is a glamourous job.  Obviously, they watched too much television.  On average, most of our everyday living will probably look like this:

Wake up. Go to work.  Go home.  Dinner.  Sleep…repeat.

Wake up.  Go to work.  Go home.  Dinner. Sleep…and we repeat the same thing the next day…and the next day…and the next day…and the next day…

Basically, I am like you.  The difference is that I do not have a fixed working hour and I involved in church’s activities and other outside activities…that made life a little bit difficult.  Despite all the busyness in my life, and some dry moments of course, I learned to live to be alive.  It is not about cozen yourself into wishful thinking, but there is no greater adventure than being a human being fully alive!  To achieve what we want to achieve, to pursue our goals and learn to labour and to wait patiently.

Autumn Girl enjoying nature on the field. Beauty Girl Outdoors r

I learned that adventure is not about living with certainties, straight path, clear answers; like an engineer with probabilities.  No, it is a step into an unknown path that opens up to all possibilities.  Like a traveler who never planned his journey, but excited just to do it.  Adventure sets your spirit on fire that illuminates your life.  If you felt that you have a mundane life, or may so many frustration and disappointment, find your adventure in your everyday living because if you can’t find it in your life, you cannot find it in anywhere else.

It is also means to open yourself up to all human experience – happiness, sadness, disappointment, anger, fear, anxiety…It is only through embracing your weaknesses or problems or your fear that you are able to live up to your potential.  Because then, you begin to realise how beautiful is this world.

I learned a story about Amy Purdy.  She lost both her legs 1999 after contracting bacterial meningitis.  When she tried her new legs for the first time, it was too painful and she wondered if she could every walk again.  She was physically and emotionally broken.  Then one day, she heard something on the radio, she stood up and dance with her father.  Then she thought to herself ‘If I can dance, I can walk, if I can walk, I can snowboarding..I can live a great life’

In 2014, she competed and won a bronze medal in snowboarding in the Paralympic Games.  She won the hearts of millions of viewers when she got into the finals of dancing with the stars.

She asked herself one day: ‘If my life were a book and I am the author, how would I want the story to go?’ That question changed her life forever.

When I heard it, I took some times to reflect on it….and I realised I wanted my life to be a story that only I can tell.

I was never comfortable in meeting people, but I stepped into the unknown to become a reporter and I met many people and heard many stories.  I thought, there I know how to craft stories…this is my life now…this is what i am going to do for the rest of my life.  Then, I guess life seems to tell me otherwise…it says…no…no..no..that is just the beginning.  Your true and greatest adventure has yet to come.  Then, I decided to step into the dark again, holding on to all possibilities.  For a girl who had never speak up in her life decided to walk into that door (Toastmasters) and stood in front of the audience for the first time.  I realised, my greatest adventure has just begun!

joyyettocome

All these time, I’ve been writing the voice of other people and now for the first time I am learning to find my own voice.

So, if your life were a book and you were the author, how would you want the story to go?

I Love Stories

I am always in the quest for stories.  That is what I do actually, everyday.  I make a living meeting people, talking to them, asking them questions and construct their stories.  I love stories and love writing them.  Though not all stories gave me pleasure, in fact most of them gave me a lot of pressure.

But I love stories; especially stories of ordinary people because every one of them has a lesson for others to learn.  The lives of people who could make people stop and ponder, reflect, remember, and are inspired.  I do not write just for the sake of writing, though sometimes I do that, because it is my job to write.  Sometimes I got frustrated with the job I have now, but continue to go on; motivated by the possibility of finding great stories.

I write not because I hunt for stories, I write because it makes me grow as person.  I learn as I write and I write as I learn.  I need to feel and touch the reality from the deepest of my life through the stories I heard.  Then as I empty my cup, I construct that story front the tip of my pen.  As one writer said (forgot which writer) in every story you read, there must be a writer’s DNA registered in it.

People who know me will know that I love books very much.  I read various kinds of genres.  I do not read romance often, but my favourite genres are historical fiction and autobiography.  The more I read those stories, the more I became passionate about the heroes, and the more I wanted to meet them in real life.  Therefore, I wanted to write about them.

Growing up, I neither was the one shine in class nor was I selected to compete in essay writing.  However, my love for books started when I was in primary school.  I love books very much that I became a librarian but I did not pick up the habit of reading until I was 14 years old.  I finally picked up reading because I found out that I was terrible in English.  How bad?  Either I flunked or the highest I could get was ‘C’.  That is how bad I was, but as soon as pick up reading, I made a commitment to read every day.  My comprehension was so bad at first that I needed to read few times for a page to understand.  Then I started to read aloud and listen to English speakers especially those in the movies.  I picked up and tried to mimic until it stuck with me.  Some people said I have a spoken English of a native (though I doubt that sometimes).

I remember I entered a confessional room one day and as I started to confess my sins, the priest opened that little door and asked where I came from.  That caught me by surprise.

There was one person who believed that I could write and that is my former headmistress.  She was the first person to do that. She told me one day that I could pick up my pen and write.  I was down one day because I could not get into science class in Form 4.  Those times, people had a perspective that science class are for good students and Arts are for those who do not do well in studies.  However, my former headmistress told me that being in Arts class means wider field.  She told me that God put me in Arts class because He has a plan for me.  Therefore, she asked me to pick up my pen and write.  I did not do that until about 10 years later; I pick up my pen and write.

 

 

 

 

Know Me From Books

Do you believe that you could actually know me better by reading the book I read?  Or rather..books I chose to read.  Especially the ones that I hold dear in my heart.  I do not know that for sure.  Nobody ever told me.  I’m just wondering that would it be possible that even though that you guys out there had never met me personally, but could actually get a glimpse of what kind of person I am through the book I read.  There are books that I read for entertainment and some for encouragements and maybe to learn some life perspectives.  I do make some reflections on my life as I meditate on some of the books I’ve read.  Life after all, are full of uncertainties, but books…boy…some really took me on a journey.

My love for reading did not start at a very young age.  I know there are people out there who had a passion for reading…since they started recognising words.  Mine was not the case.  I started to seriously…sit down and read books at the age of 14, because I used to flunk my English (I am still trying to make sense how I turned from a girl who flunk her English at school to writing for a living today..hmmm).  It was a period that I inculcated a passion for language.  However, even before that, I knew that I’ve always love reading.  I just never get hold of it..that’s all.  So, at aged 14, I read any books I could find at the library; in which I became a school librarian for few years.  As I grew older, I started to pick up more books.  I read all kinds of genre, but of course, the genre I love is historical fiction.

Here is the list of some of the books I’ve read for the past years: (Just to name a few)

I Know This Much Is True – Wally Lamb

Unbroken – Laura Hillenbrand

Where The Heart Is – Billy Letts

The Boy Who Harnessed The Wind – Bryan Miller and William Kamkwamba

127 Hours – Aron Ralston

Born To Run – Christopher McDougall

The Life of Faustina Kowalska – Sister Sophia Michalenko

The Book Thief – Markus Zusak

Frankenstein – Mary Shelley

The Help – Kathryn Stokett

Les Miserables – Victor Hugo

The Lord of Rings Trilogy – JRR Tolkien

Team of Rivals – The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln

Even Silence Has An End – Ingrid Betancourt

Ken Follett’s books

John Grisham’s books

David Baldacci’s books

One Sunday Morning…

On Sunday morning, I took a walk at a local mall here in my town.  There I met two people – two friends, to be exact.

I was coming down from a digital shop where I met a friend.  We greeted “Peace be with you”, and I responded the same.  I asked her “How are you now?” and she said “I’m in a healing process…” we talked a little while and I had to rush down because my mother was waiting for me downstairs.  She lost her husband few weeks ago and is still grieving, but with the support of fellow legionaries and friends, she remained strong.

As I reached the ground floor of the mall, I met another friend, my ex-classmate.  Now, she is working at a local university.  She said “I’m getting married next Sunday…please do attend my wedding day,”.  We talked a little while and we left.