Life Changed

A few years ago, I attended a two weeks Journalism class. Typical in every first session, we needed to do ice-breaker.

Everybody introduced themselves and it was normal; we revealed our names and where we were from. Then it came to my turn, I stood up, and did what everybody was doing. I was ready to sit down and when the instructor suddenly said “Wait… wait… wait… could you tell us something about your hair?”

I had a crazy curly hair at that time. Nevertheless, the question took me by surprise but this was my answer:

“This is not original. My hair is straight and boring. I’d never curl my hair in my life. I just wanted to see how I look like with curly hair.”

“Does it boost your confidence?” He asked further.

“Oh, yes! Definitely!” I replied.

“So you see, new hairstyle, life changed.” He said.

It was true, because after the hair, few years later, people came up to me and asked “What’s with the shirt?”

Advertisements

Heart Stopping Dream

Last night, I had one of those dreams that I literally thought I was going to die.  I honestly didn’t know where I was.  There were some people with me, but I could not remember who they were.  Anyways, so, I was in a middle of maybe jungle, maybe… I do not know.  A place where i need to run fast enough to climb that very steep ‘wooden’ hill.  Ah… I remember, it was like an obstacle course in which i need to pass the obstacles to the next level.  Now, I didn’t know which course was it, but it was definitely a difficult one.  Okay, so, I watched everybody go and I was the last one to go.  I ran as fast as I could.  It was so scary.. oh my gosh!! scary.. it wasn’t just steep… it was 90 degree.  who could ever climb this thing?  It was okay at first, but as I was going higher.. gosh..it was scary.. my legs were shaking, my heart was racing – i was sure whether it was because of the run or I was scared.  I ran, I almost reached the top.  One foot left… and I didn’t make it.  I think I lost my momentum.  I could not reach the top and I was falling, like 20 or 30 feet high?  All I know is, it was really high and there was nothing to hold.  I was terrified, I went ‘oh no.. oh no… no…’.  Then… I was in a dark place.  I was in my bed, staring at the ceiling.  ‘It was only a dream!’ Thank God! What a crazy dream!

The Thing About Life

The thing about life is this… it is so mysterious and so beautiful that you need to be alive to experience it and see it.  It is not like living in a dream, but more than that.  It is with the sense of transcendence.  Funny, because my life right now is all about frustration.  Sometimes I do feel stupid, like this morning for example.  I realised, I am so stupid that I feel so stupid (Does that make sense?).  Sometimes, I wonder, why wasn’t I born with such intelligence and wisdom.  Okay, I know that not everybody has wisdom; some have knowledge but no widsom.  I hope that is not me.  Well, mine is worse, I don’t have a lot of knowledge and lacking in wisdom.

Like right now, I am should go to sleep now.  It’s late and tomorrow I need to go to work but I am still writing this blog, because inspiration just came through.  Or rather, I just need to express myself, after a long of absence.  Where have I been, no where, I am just here, trying to make a difference for myself and hopefully for others as well.  But, I am just a nobody, so, some people doesn’t take me seriously.

Yet, with all these troubles and frustrations, I strive to feel alive in my everyday living.  Living a life that is fully alive is indeed a glory to God.  It is indeed allowing God to bless our lives.  I don’t have to always know or understand what life is about.  I won’t understand all of it.  But, that does not stop me from striving to understand more about life.  I mean without it, will life has meaning.  Of course it will!  But, it can make a huge difference because I am finding who I am.  Then, I would dare to step into the unknown and who knows, discover something about myself that I didn’t know it existed.  How wonderful it would be.

Oh life… the reality is bitter, but the fruits are sweet.  How magnificent.

 

(PS: Just speaking on top of my head…)

I Can’t Keep Trying

Sometimes, I do feel like I am the worst person in the world, or rather the worst daughter that any parents can have. Not that I do not want to do anything in the house, well, maybe I don’t. It is the trait that is hard for me to break. A trait that I wish I have never have. I am not sure if I am even trying to change, maybe I don’t. But if I am not trying to change, why do I feel bad?

Every parent deserves to have daughters that are helpful in the house. Daughters like my sisters maybe. They are proud of my sisters, because they help around. My mother said that. Me? Well, I am always busy with lots of meetings and other stuff. And that annoys my parents really. I feel bad for them sometimes, I didn’t want to burden them but I have to admit that I am young and there are many opportunities for me out there and I feel that it is my responsibility.

I have a commitment that maybe my parents will never understand, even if you try to make them understand. I can’t blame them, because when they were in their 30s, they already had a family. That was their commitment. I am in my 30s and I do not have my own family yet. I am still living with my parents because I cannot afford to live outside on my own. So basically, I am still depending on my parents. Which I think is sucks.

I have resolved to make some changes once in a while. For example, I won’t tell them that I will have meeting at night. Just help whatever I can, once the time comes I just leave home. It doesn’t matter if I have dinner or not. I don’t really care about that. Milo and crackers are good enough for me once I am back from the meeting.

However, I am not sure if that would hurt them. I don’t want to hurt anybody, especially my dad. He is a very sensitive guy. He loves to cook and it annoys him if we refused to eat the dish he cooked. I have to clean the dishes before I leave though. So which means I cannot leave until we finish the dinner. The problem is, Dad always cook late and if I don’t tell him, I will always be late for the meeting. And if I do tell him, he is always rushing and everybody will be unhappy.

I wanted to clean the house before going to work, and that is always a problem because I cannot wake up early.

It is because if these problems I am facing, I decided that I should stop trying at all. Trying is nothing. Doing is everything.

Airport Encounter

Sometimes, ignorance is bliss especially when it could actually save you from embarrassment. But it could also put other people in a very awkward and uncomfortable position. I was at the airport two weeks ago, waiting for my flight to come home to Sibu from Kuala Lumpur. I was at departure hall and I happened to sit beside a man.

Nothing unusual about it, we were trying to do our own stuff. I was trying to write my speech because I had a speech competition few days later. He with his earphones on, minding his business. I had just started writing when the guy beside me started singing. This guy was listening to the music and I think the music was so loud he could not hear himself singing.

It was awful. Now I thought at first, no problem, let him sing, but few minutes later, I could not take it anymore. Obviously, I could not go on, so I stopped writing, tried to calm myself down. I told myself, ‘don’t… don’t… don’t… do not laugh!” I am easily amused by some little things. And that was not little thing. And to make it worse… I am a very curious person. So I decided to take a good look of that guy, I regretted it immediately. He was bobbing his head, oblivious to the people around him.

I did not know why I still chose to sit there. I realised it has become an emergency. I need music… loud music. I struggled to take my earphones from my bag. And my earphones are always entangled. It took few seconds to untangle the thing and I don’t have songs in my phone. I only listen to Spotify. I opened my Spotify. ‘Sorry, your homepage is offline’.

No worries.. no worries… YouTube… but the connection was so bad. Took ages for it to load. At this point, I was already smiling. Then came my last solution…opened my Whatsapp and pretended that I read funny messages.

Friday Post

I woke up today with a annoying sound of my dogs barking. It was the usual thing every morning as Mum let them out to play. Usually it is annoying, but I did not particularly mind it. Today, my body was stiff and tired. Had been like this for few days. The dogs barked at 630am. I should not be getting up for another one hour, are you kidding me! But the tiredness made it easier to go back to bed and I did.

Forty five minutes later, I woke up. Check my Whatsapp and Facebook. About 20 messages on Whatsapp and two notifications on Facebook. Alright. Nothing important. I didn’t want to get up until 740am. I had to get up, it was 740am! Took a shower and got change.

I browsed through YouTube and I saw Britain Got Talent ‘wow, first ever magician to show real magic trick’. I tap on it and right in the middle of the video, I was crying. Once I finished, I wiped my tears away, waited till my eyes colour back to normal then I went to the dining room and had my breakfast, pretending that nothing has happened. But something had just happened in my heart. In my soul. Are you kidding me? A magic trick that brought me to tears. That is real magic. But the real lesson was, that life is so unpredictable. But we can make it beautiful. So beautiful that one day we can wow ourselves and other people.

All those mundane lives, those annoying little things, who doesn’t have it? But are we able to see it in a different way?