I cannot help but asking; does everybody see that they are great at anything they do? I have some friends that do not have a problem of decision-making. I marvel at their quick thinking to find solutions for any problems. I am always anxious about my indecision; afraid of making wrong decisions; afraid of being seen as a weak leader.
How my buddies caused me so much jealousy of their abilities to persuade and convince others. In fact, believing that I could improve if I followed their ideal story construction, I did what they do in the posts on this blog. I wanted to be good enough.
The results? I do not excel! I confess I dislike those posts. You can judge me, but please consider my argument. First, the story lines were too surface; I believe there were transitions, but lacking in experience. Second, stories are so predictable. I felt detached. Do I motivate or do I want to bring along my audiences with me as I tell my story? But is it me or the structure isn’t working? What if they used the same given structure? Would they have audiences? I didn’t just cannot gain audience; I lost many of them. I cannot rule out other factors, considering that I have not been active.
Reading my older posts; posts before the changes, I love my older posts despite tremendous rooms for improvement. The writings needed more creativity, story structures needed further effort. They were my voice. That was genuinely who I am and proved how I continue to learn to be creative in my most uncreative circumstances.
I likewise learn that my colleagues are great at their work performance. That saved them from being scolded and being corrected. I too recognize their achievements required efforts. Things never come easy like that. But I am trying hard, am I not? Why do I continue making mistakes?
The other day, two editors contacted me. The first editor highlighted my grammar mistakes that I made.
He snapped a picture of my report, and, embarrassingly, his message went like this:
“…is been held? I presume it was a slip, but it showed you did not go through what you have written and self-edit it before sending it to the system.”
Honestly, I checked, but somehow, I overlooked this mistake. Why? All right, my English language isn’t as strong as I would want it to be or people might have expecting it. I mentioned before that I used to flunk English at school. I see it as an accomplishment to be working for the local papers and earning my living by writing. Still, why can’t I excel despite all the struggles to be better? I’ve worked at the local papers for 11 years! Why do I keep making the same mistakes while others do exceptionally well in their career?
Also, the other time, I received the assignment to do the parliament watch. I wanted to excel at this task. I tried my best. I worked all day; I rushed through my lunch; it was such an exhausting assignment. However, by the time I completed the task, I was both elated and tired. I tried my best, but, as usual, my best wasn’t good enough! How did that make me feel? Terrible! I felt terrible! Not because I didn’t feel appreciated, but why am I not good at it? Why don’t I have a sense of story? I have one task, and I failed!
My sense of writing wonderful stories is just as bad. Maybe my passion is not in journalism. My passion is just stories. Writing brilliant stories. But why am I terrible at it? I can’t think of a story; any story. Why? Do I have talent?
Am I good at anything?
God created us for something. For a purpose. And he gave each of us a talent that we can use. Some say our passion can recognize it. What do we love? What do I love?
I love writing; I love stories; that’s what I love. But why am I not good at it? Do passion and talent always come together?
AM I TALENTED? What am I good at?