Dinner was served at 8pm on Sunday. Sitting with about 20 familiar faces in that darkened room was somehow strange and uneasy. I could not wait to run out that door. It was a big dinner; lambs, beef, fried rice, noodles, and some vegetables – my appetite just gone. It was exactly the environment I expecting, and I was right. They said it was just in your head. Whatever you think in your head, is the thing you’d get. It could be, but I wasn’t sure anymore.
I chose the seat nearest to my boss, whom I also called my friend and immediately I regretted my decision. I should’ve sat at the other table; a smaller one that was behind me. All girls, but what different would it make? None I could think of.
The lady sitting in front of me looked very familiar. I didn’t see her in the gym, but I knew her. Took me 10 minutes to figure it out who she was. She was one of the people I’ve interviewed before – a restaurant owner. Should I greet her? Should I say ‘hi’? Should I smile at her? She seemed to avoid eyes contact with me, so I got her message. I pretended not to know her. I smiled that night, but she frowned. At least that was what I saw. She saw me, and I was afraid to see her unfriendly expression.
Her restaurant closed down about a year after the interview. I was told she was abusing her maid and ran away when the police was trying to hunt her down. A crime reporter told me, so I guess it was true. I always thought it was just bad business. With that knowledge, the dreadful night dragged. A woman on my right was friendly enough to talk to me, but there was nothing in my head; there was nothing to share. How could you make a conversation with only the other side presenting their ideas? That was exactly what happened. They listened to the boss, but I understood nothing they said. I wanted to get out.
I didn’t ate much that night, I wasn’t hungry, I wasn’t watching my diet either. My heart was simply not there. It was a weird feeling. They saw me in the gym almost every day, not that often nowadays. I felt so lost, I felt like a fool. Should’ve not agreed to join the dinner. Eyes fixed on the phone I was holding in my hand, browsing through Facebook, I wasn’t even sure what I was looking at. Walking out to that room at 9pm to the open air, my heart cleared again.