A walk around the park at night could be somewhat refreshing; for your brain, your consciousness, your emotions, your body. Every part of you just seemed to be there after felt so lost during hectic day at work. At this massive park, all sorts of people were having fun; young and old.
Children were running around, catching their LED flashing flying toys; adults, and children stood there blowing bubbles from the bubble toys. It was a hit too at the park. I was tempted to get one, but retreated the thought before I could even start to decide. In the midst of this; of the crying of babies, loud noises from the carnival at the other side, and the youngsters hanging out among themselves, I noticed one thing – smiles waited to be seen.
I saw all that, and it didn’t take a real effort to make it happen. I’m not good in observation, but when it comes to self consciousness, I am extremely good at it. I was awake by the joy that I felt, and it made me to be conscious enough with the people around me, although it was only for a short time. Writing this piece had been a torment to my brain and energy. I wanted to finish this piece a long time ago. What can I write concerning Angels? That was in my mind, for a few months.
I finished reading a book titled ‘Angels in my life’ by Carlos G Valles. It was an old book, which I bought from the church, but indeed, it was a great book. For few months, I flipped through these pages, convinced that I could finish this material. Few months passed, I still flipped those books, but it got me nowhere. I got stuck and began to doubt myself. I just simply couldn’t continue where I started, until that fateful night at the park.
Angels is such a great topic to write. Everyone was given one since birth. ‘The angel that is assigned to us from birth, remains with us forever.’ Carlos wrote it in his book. Deep down, I’ve always believed that. I was reminded of this fact when I got hold of the book. If the angel helped me in my childhood, he/she would definitely help me even when I am adult, especially in writing this material. That simple.
That was why, I was so convinced I could finish it. I thought my angel would be there always to help me, but nothing happened. I needed something for inspiration, and I realized the closest thing for inspiration wasn’t book, but people. I see more and learn more about myself from other people. In his book, Carlos mentioned something that really got me thinking.
We do not understand our own lives. We see much and understand little. The shape of things, the direction of events, the meaning of life. And, far beyond, the mystery of death. We live with the riddle of our lives before our eyes, and we never quite unravel it. If at least we knew the sense of our life and the purpose of our sufferings, we could better face that life and shoulder those sufferings. But we are haunted and bewildered by not being able to make sense out of all that happens to us. Why this? Why now? Why to me?
I found this very true. I am quiet you know. Although I take pleasure in solitude, and not saying much most of the time, sometimes, I really wanted to be outspoken. When I see my friends able to make spontaneous conversation to anyone, I thought of myself. Why can’t I do that? Being a host could be fun, but I would make a bad host.
Carlos in his book says that when human and angels are together, it brings creativity. When I could not continue this article, I realized that I focused so much on the book; nothing came out of me. I focused too much on the technical stuff that I forgot the real experience itself. I was so close to cancel this.
I started to ask, where is my angel at any given moment? I needed him/her to help me with this because I got nothing. I had all these questions in my head, but I had not even a single idea to put that into words.
Negative feelings can close the door before the visiting angel. When there is jealousy, envy, anger, annoyance, contempt or over-attachment, the channels of communication are blocked, the windows of the soul are closed, the heart becomes deaf and blind, and we lose contact with the best in ourselves, with our sensitivity, with our humanity, with our angel.
When we harden in the inside, we block inspirations from the outside.
I was just coming out from a hotel when I decided to walk to the park across the street. I thought of Carlos’ book, I thought of my angel, and I thought of the blog, which I wanted to finish so badly. That short walk was just what I needed. I was tired, but I went to the park nonetheless. Something in my conscious asked me to go there and I did. After all these, it dawned on me that the book guided me, but the angel in my life could only make this material possible. It is all about life-experience after all.
One of the things I am impressed with myself is that, why I got this job in a first place. Why I chose journalism as my career path? I am afraid of people, I’ve always do since I was a little girl. It’s not that I’m not a people person, on a contrary, I love people very much as I love myself. Another thing is, I am not the brightest, probably one of the worst writers out there. I fear that, because nobody wants to be at the bottom. However, to be able to face those facts, it takes courage and guts to accept.
I didn’t have a good start when I started this job. I forgot my notebook and pen on my first day of work (pretty stupid huh?). My work was bad. I didn’t know how to write, the style was so poor and so forth. But I got to admit, I improved a lot since then, but there are still so many rooms for improvement. After reading Carlos’ book, it got me thinking – I could do all these because not only I have God in my life, but also I have the companionship of my angel all along. I never want people to read my raw materials, because I felt so shy about it. What would people thing about my stuff? My ideas? My styles? My voice? Writing a good and readable piece is a challenge. Nevertheless, I started this blog a year ago anyway. I needed that, and I know that my angel played a part of it. My angel probably wants me to write and to let people to read my stuff. Only then, I would have greater confidence in my writing.
The angels keep us literally on tiptoe, full of expectancy, surprise and joy because we know that they have been with us and that, when we least expect it, they will come again. They are never far from us. In fact, they are always on our side:
Sometimes in a hazy way, and, the more we open ourselves to their reality and their presence, in a more tangible and colourful way.
In his book, Carlos’ mentioned that angel always associated with children. That is because children represent various aspects of adults’ personalities. They represent the happier, the cheerful, creative, loving, and even mischievous sides of every adult. They are the flower of life. They are the joy of life.
I also know, on the other end, persons who are a joy to live with, whether in the family, the community or the group, and that is because their ‘child’ is alive in them, and they know how to fool around, play jokes enjoy jokes being played on them, wonder at small things and laugh heartily.
When I lost my ‘child’… I lost my Angel…
…When my ‘child’ awoke within me…I woke up to my Angel’s presence
I faced so many fears and worries when I started writing for the newspapers. The reality is that being a journalist isn’t all that glamorous job, we don’t earn much, we work long hours, we had to meet all kinds of people, receive criticisms from readers, and complaints too. Sometimes, I asked myself… ‘why do I choose this’ Amazingly, I would not do any other else than writing for living.
Put an angel in your life is wholesome advice to improve living and attain joy. The angels are always there. It is up to us to discover them, feel them, bring them into our life.
Thank You, my angel for helping me to write this piece. Thank you for guiding me through this one year since I started this blog. I know that sometimes you let us stumble in our own good way and our learning. When we trip over potholes in life, it is also that we may better know the ways and better know ourselves. I pray that may you guide me always in my life and in writing this blog, so that I may have more and improved materials to come, and my readers will not get bored reading my piece. Amen.